6 Tips on Forgiveness

Can forgiveness ever be easy?

A brother of a murdered 16-year old schoolgirl in UK said recently he would be prepared to forgive her killers.

Wow, that takes true strength!

Forgiveness can be challenging especially if you are the one who’s been betrayed or wounded, isn’t it?   Though at times, we may find ourselves in an equally difficult position when we are the one having to ask for forgiveness after hurting another person, intentionally or unintentionally.

For the victim, who’s been hurt, abused, violated, robbed - not of personal possession but of self-esteem and self-respect, it is not easy.

The hurt, the emotional scars run deep.  Some may even need professional help.  It will take time.

Yes, admittedly, it is hard and it will take time to forgive.  But it can be done.  We’ve read inspirational stories of how victims and relatives of victims forgive murderers, abusers and even war criminals.

Why should you forgive?   Isn’t it making it too convenient for the other person?   You wish to punish that person by holding on to your anger!

By holding on tight to your anger and bitterness, you are punishing yourself.   While the other person is moving on with his/her life, you have remained stuck in victim mode.  

Each of us would have gone through these challenges at some point of time.  Through my own experience and observation, I find these are some of the valid reasons why and how one can choose to forgive.

1.      Forgive  yourself

First and foremost, you must forgive yourself.  Sometimes, you feel it happened because you allowed it to happen, that it was your fault.   So before the healing process can start, forgive yourself first.

2.      It’s a learning process 

What’s done cannot be undone.  It’s over.  You can’t go back in time to prevent it.  It has happened.  However, you can prevent it from happening now, and in the future.  Now you know better.  You are wiser.  You are stronger, mentally and spiritually.

3.      Heal yourself

Holding on to the anger is similar to keeping the wounds fresh and replaying the torment in your mind over and over and over again.  It's time to let go of the painful memory.  Unburden yourself.  Let it go.

 4.      Time to move on

Keeping the anger and bitterness bottled up inside your heart is making you unhappy.  As a result, it’s making all those around you unhappy, too.  You cannot move on when you choose to remain stuck as a victim.   This is not what you were meant to be here on earth for.  You have a better purpose than that.  It’s time to get on with living.

5.       Set yourself free

“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you!”  a quote by Lewis B. Smedes.   Do it.  For yourself.  Not for the other person.  It’s for your own well-being and inner peace.

6.      Closure

To forgive is to empty out and release all your hurt and pain.  Close that chapter of your life once and for all.  Forgive the other person without the other person asking for your forgiveness.   Let nothing remain except love and peace in your heart.

If you have been hurt and living all this while in misery because of a wrong or injustice or betrayal done to you, you can make the choice today, right now.   The power has always been in your hands.  Realize that.  The choice is yours to make.

You can choose to set yourself free.

Or, you can choose to remain a victim for the rest of your life.

I have chosen to forgive.


More on Forgiveness:

Forgive So You Can Let Go by Jamie Hoang via @tinybuddha

How To Forgive Someone When It’s Hard:  30 Tips To Let Go of Anger  By Lori Deschene, Founder of @tinybuddha

How To Forgive A Cheating Spouse by Maria C Collins - Helium

Photo Credit:  mattonimages.co.uk